The Milk Diaries Part 2 – Bottles formulas and pumps -oh my!

Oh where to begin! As I sit here trying to recall the early days with my son, I realise that whilst it was the most magical thing I have ever experienced, it was also one of the most stressful.

Once at home there were so many things that needed to be done.  Buying a sterilizer, choosing bottles and formula and  renting a breast pump. Oh and then yes learning to breast feed as well as navigating the world of parenting ! Buying  a sterilizer was the easy part,  but everything else seemed to require some figuring out.

Choosing the formula was  difficult because I wanted to give my son an organic brand, but it was out of the question as it was so expensive. Who knew that suddenly formula alone  ( non-organic) would be costing us about $160 per month! This was something that I hadn’t wanted to consider as I was positive it wouldn’t be needed.  We stuck with the hospital brand without naming names, because after looking at all the options this seemed like the best one around for the moment. The formula was pre-made and I am so glad we chose this in the early days as it really helped cut down on the work.

I remember standing in the aisle of a large pharmacy , just two days after my son was born. Barley able to walk as I tried to choose bottles for my son, it was all I could do not to cry.  There was a sea of them before us and I  didn’t know where to begin. In the end we chose the bottles we thought were best and as the months have gone on we have slowly changed them until we have ones that best suit our baby.

My midwife recommended that  I see a breast feeding specialist, so within just a few days of coming home with our son I had to take him out into the world – yikes! I wasn’t ready for it but it had to be done. the breast feeding specialist gave me some tips and then we made another appointment to follow-up. On her recommendation we rented a hospital grade breast pump, because I would be pumping and then feeding our baby, it seemed like a good option. After several days of failed attempts at trying to get my son to latch on . I realised that it seemed unlikely that I would be able to breast feed.  I remember feeling thoroughly miserable and inadequate. Returning to the specialist only confirmed my fears.  I left that appointment and knew that I had to get past the emotional turmoil I felt, and learn to accept that this wasn’t the path for my baby and me, but that it didn’t mean I was any less of a mother because of this. But  more importantly, that my son would not  suffer irreversibly because of it.

Advertisements

Something’s gotta give!

As I write this blog, my very active eleven month old lays sleeping in his crib. Half of my kitchen utensils are strewed around the kitchen floor. Before he was born, everything had its rightful place, but now everything gets shoved back into any draw or cupboard that will have them. My son delights in finding new treasures in the kitchen it’s his favourite exploring place. His little face lights up when he spies something he’s never seen or even better when it’s something he’s never usually allowed to have.

I find myself absolutely savouring the moments when he’s asleep, as it’s time to gather myself and catch my breath. In my pursuit to recreate some sort of equilibrium I am trying something new. Instead of rushing around like some frantic lunatic I am actually sitting down! The very act of sitting  is in itself very testing, but I am determined to give it a go and just bask amongst the chaos.  Because something has to give, I cannot carry on burning the candle at both ends. I am trying to change a behaviour, an innate need for order in the refuge that is home. I know that I must do this as a rested mom is a happier mom, and I want to be in the moment for my son. Soon my son will beckon me to his crib  and be raring to go once again. But this time it’s gonna be different, because I am rested and ready!